Cookie-cutter

We made some cookies for Valentine's Day.
We rolled out the batter and cut it with cookie cutters.

And it caused me to ponder thoughts that have been stirring in my mind for a long time.

Simply put, it's this.

I am not a cookie-cutter version of anything. 

Nor should I be.

I am a stay-at-home mom. 

I am a homeschooling mom. 

I am a working mom.

I am a daughter.
I am a sister.

I am a woman.

I am a writer.
I am a fitness/wellness instructor.

I am a crocheter.

I am a musician.
I am a worshiper.

I am a gleaner.
I am a processor.

I am a passionate feeler.

But I don't do it like everyone else. 
And I am not perfect.

And for so long, I have borne the weight of that. 

If I don't have the super-mom home-cooked meals every night, then I'm a bad mom.

If I share my opinion on the fact that certain books should not be forced on kids to read in school, and for that matter, that the whole educational system needs to be revamped, then I'm just a rebel who doesn't know what she's talking about. 

If I work, then I am away from my kids and home and they suffer.

If I am different than my parents, if I am different than my siblings, if I am different than other women, then there is something wrong with me. 

If I am overweight, I have no value and no authority to teach or speak into the lives of others.

If I write a blog that has only a few readers and the novels I really want to write never get published, then I am a failure.

If I keep making stitching mistakes and can only do the simplest of crochet projects, then I am not creative.

If I flub up and hit the wrong keys on the piano while playing a song, then I am just not gifted.

If I worship and get distracted by my life's problems, then somehow I have let God down.

If I take too long to get my thoughts out, then I am exasperating.

If I feel things and get teary, then I am weak.

If I need time to process and not speak, then I'm shy, quiet, and labeled inadequate and unnecessarily emotional. 

If I speak up with passion, then I am just shooting off at the mouth.

If I defend things and people who are damaged and hurt, then I am insulting and harming the ones who are doing the damage and the hurting, and I am wrong.

 

The list goes on.

Because what I've discovered is that cookie cutters come with expectations.

Use a person-shaped cookie cutter, then you get a person-shaped cookie. Makes sense.

And that's what everyone expects of you too.

But what if ...

What if I get to just be me?

Why is that wrong?

What if the shape of me is the perfect shape for me?

What if being a thinker and a feeler means that my heart hears yours?

What if making mistakes helps you feel better about when you do too?

What if I lived like I was supposed to, lived a life that I was made to live; lived within the character and personality that I was made with; lived a life that was shaped differently than yours?

What if the shape I was made in was unique to me and in that uniqueness, I came alive?

What if the shape I was made in had great purpose?

What if the shape I was made in went outside the boundaries of the cookie-cutter, becoming a whole, new, beautiful creation?

What if the shape I was made in caused me to humbly come before my Maker, allowing Him to use me and move in me in ways that cookie-cutters restrict?

Would that be okay with you? 

I am not a cookie-cutter of anything. 

I am not you.

The only one who should shape me is my Maker. My Creator. My God. 
My heart should be the heart of Jesus.

My mind should be the mind of Christ, influenced by His Spirit.

My body should be the house that holds who He is.

My soul should be God-driven, tears and emotions and all that stuff. 

Because He is a feeler. He is a defender. His a warrior and fighter. He is a Lamb. He is a Lion. 

And when I walk out my life in the shape that He made me, then I am being me. 

The authentic, unique me.

So whether or not that is okay with you, it doesn't matter. 

I just wish it didn't take me this long to find this out. 

My Father God is my shape-maker. 

And He said it is good. 

I am good. 
The shape of me is good. 

This is for you too. Enough is enough of letting other people convince us that we are less than. Focus your eyes on God and then see the truth. He is well-pleased with His handiwork. And the enemy of our souls just wants us to forget that. 

Because if we forget our value, we don't live in our purpose. 

And we stay within the metal edges of that cookie-cutter.